[pwaxen@yahoo.com]

This story can be read as a standalone as long as it is understood that Janeway and Seven are in love and establishing a relationship.

Disclaimer: The characters of Star Trek: Voyager are the property of Paramount Pictures. This story is written in the spirit of Voyager fandom. No infringement is intended.

Warning: This story depicted two women in love. If this offends you or you are too young or it's just plain illegal on your part of the planet, do not proceed.

Please do not archive, link to or reproduce this story without author's consent.

Element of Loss

by Vaxen (pwaxen@yahoo.com)

"Captain, could I have a moment?" Seven inquired.

"I'm in a hurry," Janeway replied, back peddling down the hall. "Walk with me."

The captain was setting a brisk pace and Seven had to double step to catch up.

"I've detected a dense matter anomaly along our projected path. I don't think we can navigate it. Circumventing it will require a detour of several days duration."

"It never rains, but it pours," Janeway sighed.

"Captain?"

"It means that we have enough trouble already."

"I see," Seven replied, although still a little puzzled about the relationship between trouble and planetary precipitation. "What other trouble do we have?"

"We've been trying to barter for supplies with the local inhabitants, but it seems that all economic business is conducted between females. I planned to send Chakotay, since he opened diplomatic negotiations with them, but the women refuse to speak with him and the men won't discuss anything as base as trade. As if that weren't enough, B'Elanna tells me that if I don't transport within the next 15 minutes, atmospheric conditions will make it impossible to transport for as long as 30 hours."

"So, you will be gone until tomorrow?" There was an accusatory edge in Seven's tone.

"At least."

"You have forgotten the concert tonight."

Janeway slowed. "I know that your first performance with the ensemble is important to you and I wanted to be there, but this can't be helped. I'm sorry, Seven."

"Are you?" Seven was remembering how Janeway's face contorted at the mere mention of the hybrid of neo-Vulcan dia-rythmics and Earth jazz that had intrigued her. She enjoyed the complicated mathematics that infused the music with it's peculiar if not always audibly pleasing qualities. "Is there no one else who could go?"

"This type of negotiations requires senior staff and B'Elanna is ill-suited to haggling over cabbage heads even if she wasn't busy."

"And it never occurred to you that you would be missing tonight's performance?"

Janeway knew she was damned no matter which way she answered. By this time she had reached the transporter pad and the operator awaited her orders. "I have duties. We can discuss this another time," the Captain responded in a low, clipped voice, then aloud she commanded, "Energize."

Seven glared at the spot Janeway had occupied moments before. Her torso rotated back and forth a few times in thinly restrained irritation before allowing the momentum of the gesture to spin her around and out the door.

The concert attracted a modest crowd and the performance had been well received until near the end, when Chakotay and B'Elanna appeared at the rear of the gathering still in uniform. A stir went through the audience and the musicians began to falter until the melody decayed into confusion. Chakotay advanced toward the stage. Ignoring the others, he stopped in front of Seven. "I have some bad news," he told her. "Maybe you should come with us." The desolate look on his face sent a chill through her heart. She excused herself and accompanied the two officers to the hallway.

"What has happened?" Seven asked. There was a slight quaver in her voice.

"This isn't the place," Chakotay replied.

"What happened?" Seven repeated, refusing to move.

"There's no easy way to say this," he said, no longer able to look Seven in the eye. "The captain, Kathryn, is dead."

For a moment the walls seemed to shift around her – closing in, cutting off her supply of oxygen. "What happened?" she whispered.

"The Captain had finished the negotiations," B'Elanna began. "She requested transport. Conditions had cleared and it seemed safe. Something went wrong. The pattern lost cohesion. We tried to re-establish a lock, but there was nothing there."

"She never knew what happened to her," Chakotay concluded.

"You are mistaken." Seven pushed herself off the wall she had been leaned on for support and headed for the nearest turbolift.

Chakotay followed her. "Where are you going?"

"I am going to the transporter room. Something must have been overlooked."

"B'Elanna?" he said, looking to her for reassurance.

"I think she should," she replied, surprising Chakotay. B'Elanna wrapped her arms around herself defensively. "Maybe I did miss something."

"Alright, go with Seven and let me know if you find anything."

Seven and B'Elanna poured over the transporter data reports and sensor logs looking for something that might account for the accident that took Captain Janeway. There was no doubt that the transporter had retrieved her. The pattern buffers still indicated the presence of her bio-template. However, she had failed to materialize and her bio-energy - the substance of her being - was gone. Numerous attempts to reinitialize the transporter yielded no results. Seven left the state of the transporter in B'Elanna's hands and addressed the atmospheric conditions at the time of transport. As Janeway had indicated during their conversation, ion distortions had increased shortly after she beamed to the planet's surface. There had been a brief break in the turbulence, during which Janeway had requested the transport.

The disturbances were once again peaking, making it impossible to operate the transporter. B'Elanna had run every diagnostic a dozen times. Weary and dejected, she left Seven to dig through the masses of data.

A few steps from the door of the transporter room, B'Elanna ran into Chakotay.

"Anything?" he asked. She shook her head. "Is there any chance that the Captain is alive?"

"I don't see how," she replied, wishing she could snatch back the words as the look of hope slipped from his face.

"How is she doing?" He tilted his head in the direction of the transporter room.

"Determined," B'Elanna responded. "She's not going to give up easily."

"I'm more concerned about what will happen when she does give up."

"It worse than that. They had a fight before the Captain left. I was at the transporter controls. I didn't want to trust it to anyone else under the circumstances..." She left the thought hanging, realizing that she had also been at the controls when Janeway beamed back. She couldn't shake the feeling that there was something more she could have done.

"It's not your fault, B'Elanna."

"I've been over and over it. There must have been something I missed. The distortions had decreased, but there were still some problems. Maybe I should have refused to transport her."

"Don't do this to yourself. You were doing your best and following orders. No one will blame you."

"Not even her?" B'Elanna asked, casting a glance in the direction of the door she had just exited.

"You look like you're about to drop," said Chakotay, unwilling to speculate on how Seven would react once she accepted the truth.

"I will if you'll let me know when the conditions improve so I can continue testing the transporter."

"Agreed." Chakotay watched as the exhausted lieutenant trudged toward the turbolift. He turned his eyes back to the transport room and sighed.

Eighteen hours passed before B'Elanna was notified. She immediately headed for the transporter. She was surprised to find Seven already there. On closer examination, she began to suspect that Seven had never left the room. Sallow skin, red rimmed eyes with swollen bags and stray locks of golden hair upset the normally tidy appearance of the exBorg.

"Seven," she said, softly.

Seven looked up from the controls she'd been concentrating on. "Lieutenant, I require your assistance. The Captain is not dead."

"You found something?" B'Elanna asked, hurrying to join her.

"No, but I can hear her calling to me. If I can discover how the transporter malfunctioned, perhaps I can reverse the process."

"Captain Janeway spoke to you. What did she say?" B'Elanna watched Seven expectantly.

"She says she is waiting for me."

"Have you notified Chakotay?"

"Time may be of the essence, informing the commander is not, but you may do so if you wish." Except for her initial acknowledgment, Seven's attention remained focused on the controls.

"Torres to Chakotay."

"Chakotay here."

"Would you and the Doctor meet me in the transporter room? Seven has something to report."

There was a moment of silence and B'Elanna feared he might ask for details. "We're on our way," he stated. She looked at Seven, who seemed oblivious to the exchange.

"I want to loop the transporter sequence in a continuous mode. Is that possible?"

B'Elanna looked at Seven uncertainly. "Yes, I can do that."

Seven moved aside, giving B'Elanna access to the console. She set the controls and the test load on the platform disappeared. Five seconds later it reappeared then disappeared again. The two women watched the transporter go through several cycles before their attention was diverted by the arrival of Chakotay and the Doctor. B'Elanna approached them.

"What's going on?" Chakotay inquired.

"Seven believes she can hear Captain Janeway."

"It is not a belief, I can hear her," Seven interjected.

"She's talking to you?" Chakotay turned his attention toward Seven.

"Not at the moment."

"But she has been."

"That is correct."

The Doctor, who had been scanning Seven since B'Elanna's revelation, spoke to Seven. "You're suffering from extreme exhaustion. The chemical imbalance in your nervous system could easily result in hallucinations. You should regenerate."

"I appreciate your concern, Doctor, but I must continue to work. The Captain's life may depend on it."

"Seven, the Captain is dead."

Seven's already bloodshot eyes burned more fiercely as she glared at Chakotay. Suddenly her face transformed into a vision of ecstacy. "I hear her."

"You must come with me to sickbay," the doctor cajoled.

"I must stay here," she retorted, the fire once again burning.

"Don't make us use force," said Chakotay

"You don't believe me," Seven stated with a crestfallen expression. She looked directly at B'Elanna and pleaded, "I can hear her."

Guilt and pity played across B'Elanna's face as she turned it away. It was then that she noticed the transporter platform. "What happened to the test load? It didn't come back."

"Kathryn!" Seven cried, then stumbling forward, she fainted.

Seven opened her eyes to the all too familiar sight of bio-readouts and yellow and black striped walls. As the memory of her final minutes in the transport room seeped back into her consciousness, she jerked upright only to encounter restraints. The movement alerted the Doctor.

"Sickbay to Torres," he said after activating his communicator, "Seven is awake."

"I'll be right there."

"Doctor, release me," Seven demanded, thrashing against the force field.

The Doctor did not answer, but took a step away from the bed. The doors opened to admit Torres.

"B'Elanna help me. I must return to the transporter room," Seven requested.

"I will," she replied then turned to the Doctor. "Why is she retrained? Remove the force field."

"She's been in a very agitated state."

"She's also the only one who might still be able to save Captain Janeway."

"I'm afraid she might become dangerous."

"The only one who might become dangerous around here is me if you don't release her immediately."

B'Elanna was one of the few people on Voyager who was capable of carrying out such a threat to him personally, not that she could cause him any immediate physical harm, but she was totally familiar with his program.

"I see your point," the Doctor acknowledged as he deactivated the field, "but I'm only concerned for Seven's health and the safety of the crew."

"Save it," B'Elanna barked as she helped Seven sit up.

"You believe me," Seven said.

"The test load vanished from the transporter at the same time you heard Janeway's voice. There was also an unidentified surge detected on the Doctor's tricorder at that moment."

"It could have been a coincidence - feedback from the transporter," the Doctor posited.

B'Elanna cast him a withering glance. "I found a relay. It only malfunctions under load, which was why it didn't show up in the diagnostics, and the failures are intermittent. I think that your Borg implants are allowing you to detect a signal that we can't and that the Captain is caught in the energy dimension we travel through when we transport."

"Can you access that dimension?"

"I analyzed the malfunction and I can reproduce it, but I haven't had any success retrieving the loads that I've lost."

"Have you tried attaching a beacon to the loads?"

"I did, but the signal degrades too fast. I only know one signal that might be sustained long enough to accomplish the task."

"A Borg signal," Seven intoned, knowing what must be done. "We should proceed to the transporter immediately."

"There's a problem. I can't convince Chakotay and Tuvok. They don't want to risk your life."

"Then I will convince them." She stood up from the bed. A bit wobbly, she rested a moment. "I don't know how to thank you for what you are doing."

"I'm not doing this for you. I'm doing this for the Captain. We need her."

"Of course, but this also means a great deal to me."

"You're not going to get all mushy on me?" B'Elanna asked in an attempt to hide the extent to which Seven's words warmed her.

"That would be unseemly," Seven agreed, half mockingly. She tested her legs and they held her steady. "Let us proceed."

"All you have is a theory," Tuvok remarked. He and Chakotay sat on one side of the table while B'Elanna sat on the other with Seven pacing behind her.

"What about the voice?" Seven asked.

"Perhaps the malfunctioning transporter was stimulating an implant and it was being interpreted as a voice, much as images in a dream coalesce to create a running narrative."

"I know what I heard." Seven tried to suppress her anger. It would not impress Chakotay and certainly not Tuvok and would only make her seem irrational.

"The malfunction has been verified," B'Elanna interjected.

"And you have been unable to retrieve anything that was lost," Chakotay retorted. "The bottom line is that you have no proof that Captain Janeway is alive. We seem to be covering the same old territory"

It was true. Aside from being a witness to the voice, Seven had nothing to offer that might support B'Elanna's theory or reduce the risk involved in testing it. As for the Captain's call from the other dimension, Seven had heard nothing since she recovered consciousness. Doubts began to plague her as she wondered if perhaps she had fallen victim to exhaustion and grief. She hadn't dealt with a loss since the day she was assimilated - the day she lost herself. The weight of this new devastation threatened to consume her until one blinding instant of clarity snatched her back from its jaws.

"…until you have some proof, my answer remains, 'No,'" Chakotay summarized.

"I have proof," Seven stated, not allowing her voice to betray the uncertainty of the gamble she was about to take. Tuvok and Chakotay waited expectantly. "Computer, locate Captain Janeway."

"Captain Janeway is in transporter room one."

Seven went directly to the platform upon entering the room followed by B'Elanna, Chakotay and Tuvok, who glanced about as if they half expected to find the Captain. Seven would enter the energy dimension carrying a container that retained Janeway's bio-pattern from the transport buffers. This would enable Seven to collect the Captain's bio-energy. She would then imprint a message on the carrier signal that functioned as her tether to the real world. B'Elanna would retrieve them and Janeway's energy would be recycled through the buffers. At least, that was the plan.

B'Elanna handed Seven a container that was little bigger than an ice cube.

"This will be sufficient?" Seven cocked a worried brow at the device.

"With room to spare," B'Elanna assured her. "You know this is all theory."

"It is the only option."

"You don't have to do this."

"Proceed," Seven stated, then soften her tone and said, "Please."

B'Elanna stepped back to the console. "Energizing."

Even as the room dissolved from her vision, the delectable tones of her lover's voice began to sound in her head. It was faint at first, but Seven discovered that her thoughts alone could propel her toward her goal. While her own body seemed to maintain it's substance and she could see colors formless shapes around her, she was unable to see Janeway. As she approached a golden mist, the voice grew louder until its source seemed to be standing at her shoulder.

The vapor wrapped itself around her, finding it's way to her most intimate regions, bringing with it knowing caresses that made Seven shiver with excitement.

"You're finally here," the apparition stated with satisfaction.

"Yes, Kathryn. I've come to take you back."

"Away from here," the voice mused as a finger of mist tickled provocatively across Seven's thigh. "I don't want to leave. I want you to stay."

It took all of Seven's concentration to focus on her task. She felt Janeway's energy surround her, engulf her in ways she had not experienced even in their most intimate moments.

"Kathryn, I can't."

"Can't or won't?" The intensity of the energy increased, sending an orgasmic rush through Seven's mind.

"At this moment I wish I could, but I can not. I don't belong here and neither do you."

The glow of the mist turned from golden to orange. "You're still angry with me for missing the concert."

"The concert is irrelevant."

"It wasn't irrelevant to me, but the worst part is that I was a little relieved when duty called." The mist turned purple and began to withdraw its sublime contact.

Seven was grateful for the distancing yet yearned for it to return. "I was wrong to doubt you. I should have known you would be there if you could."

"I tried," Janeway whispered as the mist turned blue.

Seven pulled her thoughts together and turned them toward more practical matters. "B'Elanna is waiting for my signal to retrieve us. She is not known for her patience and I fear she may activate the transporter prematurely if we wait much longer. I can not stay. They will not allow it. Will you come with me?"

The mist became variegated with color. It blazed red, wrapping itself around Seven in an embrace that left her weak, then reduced itself into the container. Seven sent the signal and the transporter room once again surrounded her. In her hand was the precious cube.

She set it gently on the transporter platform and stepped off. B'Elanna took a deep breath and once again cycled the controls. The container disappeared and for several long seconds there was nothing. The air shimmered, then the shimmer elongated and took on substance. Janeway's form, at first transparent, coalesced. B'Elanna let out the breath she had been holding in a grateful sigh.

"What's going on?" Janeway asked. Seven rushed to the platform and threw her arms around her. She was followed by Chakotay, Tuvok and B'Elanna, who all welcomed her back, touching her as if to reassure themselves that she was real.

"Captains Log: I'm still a little dazed from my encounter with the energy dimension. I may never be able to fully describe what I experienced. I can remember being there, but unlike normal time and space I can not formulate a description adequate for words, perhaps because I can't fully recall the experience. My thoughts are as slippery as soap. I may not have known the meaning of life, but I was aware of many things I could not normally know like why the Borg pursue their course of action and what their fatal flaw is. I knew it all and now it is all gone. It's no wonder I wanted to stay. Knowledge is power and power is very alluring, not to mention the freedom of shedding my physical being. Nonetheless, I'm glad to be back in my own well-worn skin and extend my gratitude to the crew of Voyager for their efforts. End log."

Janeway moved from her desk to the sofa, sipping coffee along the way. She reclined, fitting the length of her body again Seven's.

"You already knew the Borg's purpose - assimilation in the pursuit of perfection - do you contend that there is another motive?" Seven asked.

"Yes, there was. I just can't remember it."

"As a Borg, I had access to the collective mind. All our thoughts were shared. It is difficult to comprehend that there might be some underlying motive in their action."

Janeway shrugged her shoulder.

"And the fatal flaw?" Seven continued.

"I have no idea. It's just as well that I'm not in the Alpha quadrant. Starfleet would pester me to death trying to get the answer to that one." Janeway raised her head from where it was nestled on Seven's shoulder and looked her in the eye. "I love you."

Seven was puzzled by the sudden turn in the conversation.

"While I was floating around outside of myself," Janeway explain, "the one thing that kept coming back to me was that I hadn't told you that before I left and I might never be able to tell you that again. I did say it, just as I was transporting, but you wouldn't have been able to hear it."

"I was at fault in the argument. Your duty to the ship will always be the highest priority and I should not have expected otherwise. It will not happen again."

"Yes, it will. It's part of the learning process that creates a relationship. The essential factor is that we love each other even if we do have to be reminded of it on occasion."

"I love you," Seven stated.

"Of course, how could you help yourself?" Janeway teased. "Sorry, I'm feeling quite frisky."

"In reference to frisky," the word seemed foreign on Seven's tongue, "what do you remember of our meeting on the energy dimension?"

The Janeway's lascivious expression told Seven all she really needed to know. "That's one of the few things I seem to remember quite well. It was a remarkable experience, although I'm once again at a loss for word to describe it."

"I understand," Seven agreed. "It is difficult to establish a frame of reference."

"I think I now know what they mean by 'better than sex.'"

"Aren't you concerned that all else might pale in comparison?"

"I'm willing to find out," Janeway said with an impish grin and snaked her hand inside Seven's robe to caress her bare thigh. The touch in combination with the memory of that other contact brought her to a state of instant arousal.

"I do not think it will be a problem," Seven stated and rewarded Janeway with a passionate kiss.